Christmas Now Officially Begins November 1st
As drunk and exhausted Halloween partiers returned home, Supermarket workers across the country were called into work to hang up Christmas decorations. This was in reaction to a recent announcement…
UCD Announces Plans to Leave EU
Last Friday, University College Dublin announced its plans to leave the European Union. After a four-hour long meeting with UCD executive committee, our glorious leader Andy Cheeks emerged with a…
Facebook User Awarded Nobel Prize for Applying Frame to Profile Picture
UCD student Molly Casey joined an esteemed group of human rights campaigners and politicians on Thursday after being awarded the Nobel peace prize. The 22 year old received the award…
Extinction Rebellion Protest New Carbon-Emitting Trend Called “Breathing”
Inspired by a recent study which has revealed that a recent trend being called “breathing” may be leading to increased carbon emissions, a 400-strong group of students and activists marched…
BREAKING: College Tribune Investigated for Use of Slave Labour
News rocked UCD as An Garda Síochána announced in a recent press conference that there is an ongoing investigation into the student newspaper for allegedly using slave labour. The Turbine…
Dublin Seagulls Voted Europe’s Friendliest
This week, the International Board of Feathered and Winged Egg-Laying Vertebrate Mammals (widely known as FWELVM) published the results of their much anticipated study on the world’s friendliest birds. The…
NEW RESEARCH: ASMR is totally not creepy
A recent study by Harvard Professor Dr. Matt Walker PhD, 48, into the field of neurology has found that ASMR, is “totally not creepy at all” and instead found that…
MacBook Users Found to be at Greater Risk of “Smug Superiority”, a New Study Finds
A new study has rocked the world of apple users everywhere, with results finding that MacBook users are at greater risk of the often-fatal disease ‘Smug Superiority’. Also known colloquially…
Dublin Bus Drivers Declare Their Love for Servicing UCD at Night
Despite claims from the Student Union that Dublin Bus unions, SIPTU and NRBU, told their drivers not to stop in UCD past 10pm, Dublin Bus officials told the Turbine that…
Sports Minister Shane Ross Accidentally Pledges Increased Sports Funding to ‘Rowing Hero’ Gary Hutch
In the latest name foul-up for the Minister for Sport, Shane Ross issued a press release this morning pledging to increase the funding currently available for Irish Rowers, as well…
Duffy to Install Live Dragon at Áras an Uachtaráin if Elected President
In one of the more surprising announcements to come out of the Ploughing Championships in Offaly last week, presidential hopeful Gavin Duffy raised the bar for his fellow candidates by…
Michael D. Higgins Expenses Revealed!
The Turbine has single-handedly managed to get a hold of a leaked report on the current president’s expenses that was prepared for a private viewing of the Public Accounts Committee.…