Exclusive Interview with Our Lord and Saviour, The UCD Prez Himself | Turbine
The Turbine chatted with the Prez on a Zoom call, touching on everything from movies and food to how he beats the blues! Q: What’s your favourite time of day?…
Turbine Now Officially A Pro-Deeks Paper
As the Editor of the Turbine, the only UCD paper not to have been sued in the last 2 years, I feel it is necessary to officially state something that…
Turbine: Don’t Worry, UCD Will Still Make A Profit!
With the ongoing lockdown of the country extended until May 5th, the country will remain at a complete standstill for weeks to come. That means essential workers only can travel…
Turbine: “We haven’t protested anything in weeks”; Students cite ‘protesting’ as the main thing they miss in lockdown.
A recent poll run by UCD’s most prestigious newspaper; the Deekian Journal, sought to find out what activities students missed most about college during the COVID-19 lockdown. The survey, which…
Turbine: Archaeology Student Only In It For The Money Gets A BIG SHOCK
Archaeology students across UCD were shocked yesterday upon finding out that the average entry-level pay for archaeology students was on average a mere €12.50 an hour, This has caused half…
Student Spends Record Breaking 3 Weeks Staring at Blank Page
When Barry O’Donnell sat down in mid-March to write his latest assignment, few could have imagined that he would make absolutely no progress in the next 3 weeks. In a…
BREAKING: UCD Arts student reveals he “isn’t a communist”
During the past week rumours that an arts student might not be a communist have been spreading like the plague through the Newman building. While that student’s name will not…
Students’ Union Achieves Nothing for “Record Breaking” 8th Year in a Row
UCD Students’ Union has surpassed all expectations and has achieved absolutely nothing this year. The news comes after SU Officers announced all the many things they haven’t achieved this year…
UCD SWANS HAVE BEEN REPLACED WITH COMMUNIST SWAN BOTS
In the early hours of Tuesday morning, the Turbine was informed by an anonymous caller that the swans currently residing in the UCD lake have been entirely replaced by robotic…
Belfield Swans Forced to Offer up their Children to Afford Living on Campus
UCD’s rising rents aren’t just affecting students, the Turbine has learned. In conversation with the swans of UCD’s very own lakes, we learned that they themselves were forced to cough…
UCD Would Have Gotten Away with the Increases if it Weren’t for those Meddling Kids!
Speaking exclusively to the Turbine after the recent tent actions by UCD students, an anonymous source on the University Management Team admitted that “It was US that rent gouged the…
UCD Launches New Scheme to Address Campus Rents, called the “Don’t Be Poor” Scheme
News of the “Don’t be Poor” scheme has surged across UCD like a Haitian tsunami engulfing conversation by conversation in a tidal wave of offense and outrage. The plan, which…