Hamster Starting to Think Playing Dead Prank Was a Bad Idea
“Initially I thought it would be hilarious you know, playing dead to freak out little Mary and her poor parents for a while”, Hammy the Hamster said in his exclusive…
Letter to the Editor: Millennials
Dear Editor, I am writing in to tell you how SICK I am of hearing and seeing MILLENNIALS whining about life and how they struggle to afford basic human necessities.…
Government Receiving Horrific Abuse on Social Media
This last week has been described as being tough for the government with many of our crazed citizens taking to the internet to express their dissatisfaction with its performance. A…
Woman Starting to Suspect Husband Does Not Play Guitar Or Use Weights
Sharon Williams has recently begun to suspect that Michael, her husband of 4 months, does not in fact play the guitar nor use the weights that are both placed prominently…
Microwave Control Debate Needed As Fifth Student Is Vaporised
Last Monday, UCD Student Centre witnessed yet another microwave-related tragedy. Another student suffered complete evaporation due to incorrect use of the new microwaves. There was an ambulance parked outside the…
5 Reasons Why UCD Students Don’t Clean Up After Themselves
UCD students are reportedly terrible at picking up after themselves despite being old enough to know how to do it. Peak rubbish-leaving areas include the Insomnia Café, Subway in the…
3 Subtle References In The Shawshank Redemption You’ll Only Understand If You’re Me
When Andy befriends Red, showing how friendship can endure terrible situations and exceeds all boundaries people are faced with, it is also a metaphor for the time I spilled a…
The Finest Homeless in Europe
Daniel O’Connell once referred to the Irish as the finest peasantry in Europe. Now our peasantry is depleted and we are left with next to nothing to be proud of.…
Varadkar, Trudeau and Macron Host Charity Car Wash For Magaluf Trip
Yesterday, Leo Varadkar announced his plan to take part in a charity car wash this Wednesday alongside French Prime Minister Emmanuel Macron and the Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. The…
Scientists Find Health Benefits from Merely Wearing a Fitbit
In a recently published paper in the American scientific journal, Integrum Mendacium, health expert Dr Rupert Thomson revealed the results of his long-awaited study into the effects of wearing a…
Ryanair Offer Seats for 50c
In an effort to bounce back from what has been a terrible few weeks for the Irish company, Ryanair have announced that they are doing a flash sale where tickets…
Hollywood Studio Plans to Remake Harrison Ford
This week, the CEO of Thirtieth Century Giraffe announced his studio’s plans to launch a remake of Harrison Ford within the next decade. “Remakes of classic movies have been immensely…