Sharon Williams has recently begun to suspect that Michael, her husband of 4 months, does not in fact play the guitar nor use the weights that are both placed prominently in his room. “I mean, the guitar was always placed on a stand in the corner of the room, you couldn’t help but see it when you walked in”, Sharon explained. “The same with the weights. They were organised on a rack in the opposite corner, and they were the very heavy ones too. Mike used to always come to our dates a little late because he’d been delayed by band practice, or his workout had taken longer than expected, and honestly, his drive and dedication was one of the things that attracted me to him”.

Sharon can trace her suspicions about Mike not actually using weights back to their first holiday together which was in Ibiza. “He’d walk around with his shirt-off, and I remember thinking to myself, you’d hardly know he works out on a daily basis’’. She told us that she ‘’…just brushed the suspicion off, telling myself that perhaps the lighting was just unflattering. However, since we’ve been married, I’ve never actually seen him lift the weights, let alone use them. The same with the guitar, we were at a party and he denied numerous requests to play a song, saying that he’d recently sprained his wrist, something I hadn’t heard about till then. It just seems awfully fishy, they [the weights and the guitar] sit there in the corner, gathering dust, I just don’t know. I’m beginning to worry he just bought them to impress the girls he brought home……”

Sharon, however, has no doubts that her husband is a fighter pilot, despite him always departing for work in an outfit that looks suspiciously like a Tesco uniform, and the nearest air-force base being over 300 miles away. I think it’s for the best that we don’t interfere.

Philip Mignon – Turbine Writer