A recent poll run by UCD’s most prestigious newspaper; the Deekian Journal, sought to find out what activities students missed most about college during the COVID-19 lockdown. The survey, which was carried out using hidden microphones, asked 1,800 students a number of questions regarding the lockdown period currently ongoing in Ireland.

Students reported that the main thing they missed was “protesting”. One student said, “I know it’s really strange to hear that a student would be protesting, but I literally spend more time angrily shouting outside newly constructed buildings on-campus than I do on college work”. Given this admission, there is no doubt this student will run for a position as a Students’ Union Sabbatical Officer in the years to come. The Turbine can further reveal that in second place was commuting. One emotional student told her story; “every time I go for a walk in my legally defined 2km exercise zone I see buses going by… I miss my commute so much. The smell of sweat and unwashed seats? It’s almost like a free sauna on the way to college in the morning!”. Another student from North Dublin said, “I’ve always loved suspense…the suspense of whether my bus will bother to turn up in the morning or if I’ll just be late yet again?”

This survey comes out just weeks after UCD Students’ Union passed the ‘Protest Everything’ mandate which required all sabbatical officers of the union to protest every single thing that UCD President, Andrew Deeks does. Current President, Joanna Idontknowhowtospellhersurname, announced yesterday that the Union would like to take an official stance against the tuna sandwich which Deeks purchased in Centra yesterday. Students were seen holding a mock-funeral for the tuna which the President was seen consuming in a display that was labelled as “emotional” in the national press.


Dugh Hooley – Tribune Slave