Archaeology students across UCD were shocked yesterday upon finding out that the average entry-level pay for archaeology students was on average a mere €12.50 an hour, This has caused half of the Arts block to go into panic mode. Kelly Harper, a first-year Archaeology student posted to her course’s WhatsApp group saying “OMG guys, I’m literally only doing the course for the money… it’s like a 4-year course.” Harper went on to claim that she’s making more money now from her job in Dunnes Stores, where she packs shelves and tries not to get caught flirting with her coworker John. “I knew something was, like, wrong when I, like, said I was only doing the course for, y’know, like, the money and, like, everyone laughed…” Harper admitted to close friends after the fact.

Speaking to the Turbine yesterday, another first-year Archaeology and Geology student admitted that her primary motive for doing the course was to become a gold digger. “One of my friends told me that if I became a gold digger then I’d really make, like, loads of money, I really thought it would be better than, like, 30k a year to be honest…” The student, who requested not to be named, revealed that she wasn’t quite sure what rocks had to do with manipulating older men for their vast fortunes. 

Both students are considering moving courses so the Turbine would like to take this moment to encourage worried students to move to practical and well-paying courses such as Philosophy or Poetry for the next academic year.


Dugh Hooley – Banana Bender