Getting Ripped in Time for the Exams
As May draws closer, many students across the college have been looking for quick ways to get shredded in time for the exams. ‘The RDS is unforgiving,’ said one student.…
Macabre SU Petting Zoo Fails to Reduce Anxiety
With the exams fast approaching, the UCD Students’ Union has organised a petting zoo on campus with the aim of reducing nerves across the student body. ‘The petting zoos of…
Shag Carpets Introduced across UCD
Students returned to UCD earlier this week to discover the floor in each campus building had been laid with new shag carpets. The carpet style, which hurdled out of date…
Lecturer Awkwardly spends Entire YouTube Video Trying to get the Sound to Work
Third year commerce students came out of a lecture this past Monday in which a lecturer had been thoroughly confused by technology. Half way through the class the professor said…
Student on Laptop Unaware Lecture Ended
It has been reported that over twenty minutes after a geography module ended on Wednesday, second year Aaron Kelly was still sitting in the lecture hall mindlessly browsing the internet.…
Mature Student Submits Essay on Floppy Disk
Mature student Joe Callaghan, first year English, arrived late to his tutorial last week proudly, having successfully written up his essay on a computer, and attempted to submit it on…
Newman Building to Be Left Fallow for a Year
The UCD administration has announced that the Newman building is to be left fallow over the coming months. The decision was made in accordance with the basic principles of crop…
President Andrew Deeks to Rename College “University China-Dublin”
Documents the Turbine obtained from rooting through the bins behind the Tierney building reveal President Andrew Deeks has been pondering selling off the ‘C’ in UCD’s name to China. Senior…
Student Depression on the Rise
For the majority of us, the doldrums of reading week and the anxiety of mid-term essay deadlines is a period that comes and then goes. It is a fleeting thing,…
Turbine reveal True Spending Breakdown of Third-Level Fees
College costs. We can’t get away from it. Now, after government plans to ignore the higher education funding crisis were met by hundreds of enthusiastic college students eager for an…
A Portrait of a Kerryman as a Young UCD Student
“I wanted real adventures to happen to myself. But real adventures, I reflected, do not happen to people who remain at home: they must be sought abroad.” ? James Joyce,…
Saoirse Ronan Power Sharing Deal Reached
A comprehensive political deal has been reached in Belfast that has saved Anglo-Irish relations from sliding yet further into turmoil as a result of a disagreement over the national status…