The college, formerly known as University College Dublin, announced today that it would be rebranding as University Construction Dublin. The move is labelled as “shocking” by politicians and “utterly accurate” by everyone who has spent more than 30 seconds on campus.

“What’s in a name?” Acting President Mark ‘BFG’ Rogers asked at the unveiling event, “a name should most importantly be accurate, and I looked around from my impressive 24-foot height and I saw more construction than college!”

“We have heard huge support from our most important voices in the community, our alumni, our favourite construction companies and our piggy banks, sorry… international students.”

Competing names were suggested, such as University Concrete Dublin and University Corporation Dublin (to reflect the college’s most prominent ethos), the panel eventually decided to honour Belfield’s biggest building site!

“Here in UCD, we have always valued our avian wildlife: the swans in the centre of campus, the ducks that make the secret lake their home and the massive fucking metal cranes that invariably make up our skyline! I never thought I’d be a bird watcher, but damnnnn…” said a senior staff member after a few too many drinks at the unveiling ceremony.

Members of UCDSU have been less impressed with the rebranding process, when asked why they opposed the move Molly ‘Original’ G responded:

“WHY? Dugh they spent more on this useless rebrand than they have on student mental health supports… No, Míde can’t do you another rollie! I’m in an interview???”

“Boring”, Rogers responded, “The SU spent the same on condoms…”

Dugh Hooley – Inspired by Art of Asbestos