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If you’ve spent any time around the new lake we’re sure you’ll have noticed that our campus has been graced by the presence of another statue. The sculpture joins the various other works of art dotted around campus and we now feel the time has come for the Turbine to give its expert analysis of these beautiful monstrosities. Here, health in very particular order, sovaldi is our top 5:

Number 5 – The Couple Simulator


Situated just beside the Old UCD Lake and facing towards the James Joyce Library, malady the Couple Simulator is perfect for a man wondering what it’s like to be in love. The statue features a woman, turned to face you as if she was genuinely interested in what you’re saying. Not only that, her cold complexion, attitude and skin is the closest artificial analogue to an actual woman found in the entirety of Dublin City, let alone UCD. Well worth a look for all the single lads out there.


Number 4 – The Egg


The Egg can be found beside the Health Science building and is truly a magnificent piece and would look fantastic in a Breakfast MacMuffin. Designed to represent the conception of man through the use of a giant chicken egg, it is a heartfelt reminded of how human we all are and how our time should not be spent looking at giant poultry foetus statues.


Number 3 – The Blob 


Despite looking like a cross between a Russian Satellite and a melted Milky Bar trapped in a donut, the Blob is one of our favourite sculptures here at the Turbine. It combines artistic vision with a sleek finish to create a piece worthy of the arts block. It serves as a constant reminder to Arts Students that, although their degree is futile in terms of job hunting, at least they won’t ever make that.

Number 2 – WTF is this??


This sculpture, erected at the same time as our new Student Centre, combines garish colour with confusing forms to create a mind bending piece of ‘art’. Vaguely resembling a man unwillingly tearing his groin muscles on what appears to be a pair of Tetris Blocks, it serves as a potent reminder that exercise can be dangerous. A must see for any gym fanatics on their way to do some squats.

Number 1 – Near, Far, Wherever you are


The most recent addition to our University’s collection, this statue is modelled on the infamous scene from Titanic with Rose and Jack. The artist removed the car from the sculpture so we could get a better view of the action. It can be seen from both the Quinn and Sutherland building, forming a Triumvirate of wasted money. Surrounded by benches so you have to look at it even if you don’t want to, this is truly the pinnacle of sculpture and art on our glorious Campus