Woman Starting to Suspect Husband Does Not Play Guitar Or Use Weights
Sharon Williams has recently begun to suspect that Michael, her husband of 4 months, does not in fact play the guitar nor use the weights that are both placed prominently…
Microwave Control Debate Needed As Fifth Student Is Vaporised
Last Monday, UCD Student Centre witnessed yet another microwave-related tragedy. Another student suffered complete evaporation due to incorrect use of the new microwaves. There was an ambulance parked outside the…
3 Subtle References In The Shawshank Redemption You’ll Only Understand If You’re Me
When Andy befriends Red, showing how friendship can endure terrible situations and exceeds all boundaries people are faced with, it is also a metaphor for the time I spilled a…
The Finest Homeless in Europe
Daniel O’Connell once referred to the Irish as the finest peasantry in Europe. Now our peasantry is depleted and we are left with next to nothing to be proud of.…
Varadkar, Trudeau and Macron Host Charity Car Wash For Magaluf Trip
Yesterday, Leo Varadkar announced his plan to take part in a charity car wash this Wednesday alongside French Prime Minister Emmanuel Macron and the Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. The…
Scientists Find Health Benefits from Merely Wearing a Fitbit
In a recently published paper in the American scientific journal, Integrum Mendacium, health expert Dr Rupert Thomson revealed the results of his long-awaited study into the effects of wearing a…
Hollywood Studio Plans to Remake Harrison Ford
This week, the CEO of Thirtieth Century Giraffe announced his studio’s plans to launch a remake of Harrison Ford within the next decade. “Remakes of classic movies have been immensely…
Is It Time to Legalise Aloe Vera?
Over recent years there has been varied debates about whether we should legalise Aloe Vera, or just keep it illegal. Maybe just recreational and medicinal, or just medicinal. I believe…
Sun Recovering After Looking Directly at Trump
The Sun has told the Turbine of the injury she received after looking directly into the eyes of the President of the United States during the solar eclipse a few…
Agnostic Extremists on The Fence About Terror Campaign
A controversial report from An Garda Síochána, which was released to the public last week, outlined Gardaí fears of potential Agnostic extremism boiling over into terror attacks in Ireland. In…
Saoirse Ronan Power Sharing Deal Reached
A comprehensive political deal has been reached in Belfast that has saved Anglo-Irish relations from sliding yet further into turmoil as a result of a disagreement over the national status…
Turbine: Classifieds
WANTED: Revised and up to date books. If you can help email library@ucd.ie FOR SALE: UCDSU Commercial Services Ltd. All offers considered MISSING: “Free Fees” last seen in the late…