Shrieks of joy were to be heard from the Slitherland School of Law when news broke this week that coke has moved up ranks to become the second-most used illegal drug by the student community (our reports tell us that over 96 percent of the population surveyed for this statistic are from the Slitherland School of Law and Quinn-Daddy’s Money School of Commerce)!

The College Turbine interviewed Mr Hugo McKenzie-Dalton of Donnybrook Aristocrasy Avenue (he demanded we tell everyone that he lives on South Dublin’s most wealthy street) for his thoughts on this exciting news. Holding a MacBook in one hand and his daddy’s credit card in the other, he commented “I’m just so happy that the day we’ve all been waiting for is finally here, I’ve been working really hard and spending a lot of my father’s hard-earned money every single weekend in Coppers to make this happen”. He told us that this is his sixth year of college but he is in his third year. 

“I’m really not too worried about being in college for six years though, don’t get me wrong, it’s all worth it now after the news!” By this stage, Hugo had tears in his eyes which he was wiping away with a Hugo Boss handkerchief that apparently has real gold threaded into it. 

“Hopefully one day, if we all just work hard enough and are rich enough, we can make it the top most used drug! I know it’ll just make us all work so much harder too with all the extra energy you know??” 

The Turbine at this stage had to make an expeditious exit from the conversation because Mr McKenzie-Dalton kept asking us for some keys to try some new flavours he was distributing!

Manet – Editress & Spokeswoman for the Law