STATELY, PLUMP ANDREW DEEKS CAME FROM the stairhead, bearing a laptop on which a camera lay flashing. He held the laptop aloft and intoned:

-Remoto cognito semper

Halted, he peered down upon the laptop and said coarsely

-Come online, Anderson, you fearful Jesuit.

Solemnly he logged on and attended the meeting. Cameras gazed upon his face. Non-detriment. Nein detriment. Nigh in determinant. College I cannot go.



ELOQUENT AUDITOR, auditor of moderate audits, manysuch not without zoom, presented upon to students, presided by students and once attended by himself, announced the deliberations have ended. Five candidates minus the false ones and many more could not be mentioned. Five.

The actors cannot be praised again with their fairful praise twicemuch presented to them. Three. One appeared once and cannot be wanted beyond that. That left himself and one.

-It’s the natural choice after all. The award was named after him so why shouldn’t he receive it?

-Have we given posthumous awards before? inquired the auditor.

-I think so, she replied.

And with that it was decided that James Joyce, jotter of notes and Thames Thoyce, totter of totes and Flames Foyce, burner of boats, would be the prizereceiver.



(In front of her computer camera) Thank you all for attending what is the first ceremony for this award to ever take place online. Following what has been a strange year, we have been thinking carefully as to who should be honoured with this award.


(In jovial agreement) Yes, yes. It has been one of the more unusual years in the history of this society, but we remain committed to keeping everything active. In the spirit of recognising individuals for their unique and varied excellence within their respective domains, this award has been a significant part of our society. As such, we would like to posthumously award James Joyce with the James Joyce award.

(All cheer in front of their screens)


Thank you all very much. It is a great honour to be recognised for the books I wrote during life. Thank you.

(The crowd cheer again. Members of the audience grow restless)







Congo Jack – bookreader