This week, an American politician has made headlines for his spirited defence of the sanctity of affairs, following the landmark Supreme Court decision that legalised gay marriage across the country. Mark Byrne, who represents Alabama in the US Senate and campaigned against gay marriage, told constituents gathered at a town hall meeting that he was against gay marriage not because he was homophobic, but because it violated ‘the sanctity of affairs’.

‘An affair has always been between a man, his wife, and another woman. It just can’t be between a man, his husband and another man; that’s just wrong!’ Byrne said to thunderous applause from his audience. ‘Nowhere in the Bible do you see a man having an affair with another man; affairs just aren’t with other men! By legalising gay marriage, we’re saying that an affair can be a man cheating with another man. And mark my words, this is a slippery slope; soon we’ll have wives having affairs with men too, and then women having affairs with women, and we’re all going to end up in hell.’

Byrne first became a household name in 2007 when news of his affair with a staffer broke in the Washington Post. Since then he has risen in stature, becoming the Chair of the Senate Ethics Committee, and fathering 2 sons and a daughter with two other women who worked in his office. He currently lives in Washington with his wife of 15 years.

Byrne is widely believed to have presidential ambitions, and seems to be the shoe-in candidate for the Republican nomination in 2024, as he has the backing of the Religious Right.

Philip Mignon – Turbine Writer