Helen stood on the edge of the roof. Her cape billowed out behind her. She heard a harsh voice on the wind.

‘Get the fuck off my roof!’ it seemed to say. Helen shook her head. This was her city, someone needed to stand guard.

‘Seriously get the fuck off my roof or I’ll call the cops!’ the voice on the wind was louder now and sounded suspiciously like her neighbour Gerald. Helen grabbed hold of the drain pipe and shimmied down. The wind was right, she needed to be out on the streets. It was past time she was on her rounds. As she turned the corner the wind gave her one last piece of wisdom. ‘Fucking nutter!’

Helen wandered down the street contemplating that piece of wisdom. It was sometimes difficult to decipher what the wind meant. The wind could be cryptic sometimes. Helen leapt onto a nearby wall and crouched down to watch the people go by. It was her duty to listen to the wind. She was Environment Girl

Her white cape floated gently behind her. Her white jumpsuit had a large T emblazoned on the front. Environment Girl was in this city to kick ass and to efficiently harshness wind energy to provide a sustainable future for all, and she was all out of wind.

‘Evening Environment Girl,’ a small child said beside her. It was the Landsman child from a block over. She was dressed in a yellow leotard with a red cape. In her hands were a shield and an old fluorescent light bulb. The shield was coated with small strips of solar power generators cannibalised from old calculators.

‘Damn it Solar Power Sally! I thought I told you, it’s too dangerous on these streets’, Helen said scowling at the child.

‘But where would Environnement Girl be without her trusty sidekick, Solar Power Sally! The Brightest Spark in the Galaxy!’

Helen smiled, ‘You’re right. Only together can we defeat Commander Coal, The Fracker, and Professor Petroleum’.

Helen jumped off the wall beside her sidekick, ‘Come Solar Sally, let us patrol the alleyways. I have a feeling that the Dastardly Dumper has been up to his old tricks again’.

‘Not the Dumper!’

‘I fear so. Come, we must away!’

Helen sprinted down an alleyway between two commercial units with Solar Sally not far behind her. Helen rounded the corner and found a dumpster.

‘Come Sally, we must investigate,’ Helen said. She boosted Solar Sally into the dumpster. ‘Gee Willikers Environment Girl!’

‘What is it Solar Power Sally?’

‘The Dumper must have been here. This recycling bin is full of non-recyclable materials.’

‘I had a hunch that he was up to his old tricks. Is there organic waste inside?’

‘It’s worse than that, he’s put batteries in here!’ Solar Sally held up a plastic bag full of discharged batteries.

‘It’s worse than I feared,’ said Environment Girl in dismay.

At that moment that back door of the commercial unit opened. Solar jumped out of the dumpster ready to fight. A man stood in the doorway for a moment registering the two brave heroes.

‘How many times have I told! Get the Fuck out of the bins!’ he shouted.

‘Stand your ground Solar Sally. Show no fear.’

‘Phil! Get out here!’ shouted the man in the doorway

‘What!’ came a voice from inside the shop.

‘Those whack-jobs are back!’

‘Fuck!’ came an exasperated shout, ‘all right I’m coming Alan!’

Another man soon appeared at the door. Solar Sally passed the bag of batteries to Environment Girl. ‘Ladies you really need to stop this nonsense!’

‘It’s not nonsense to care about the environment,’ Helen replied coldly.

‘I’ve told you before, some stuff ends up in the bin by accident’. Helen held up the bag of batteries, ‘this was not an accident’.

‘Alan call the cops. I’m sick of this shit.’ The other man retreated back into the store. Phil advanced on them. ‘I’ve told you before, rooting through someone else’s trash is a crime’.

‘I am defending the environment!’ Environment Girl shouted. The man came towards her. ‘Run Sally!’ Helen shouted as she swung the bag at the man. The bag split as it hit him sending depleted batteries everywhere. The duo ran down the alley and out the other side. They continued running until they were far away from the commercial building, only then did their pace slow.

‘I expect we’ll have seen him off for the last time,’ panted Solar Power Sally.

‘I don’t think so Solar. I think he will be up to his despicable tricks soon enough’.

‘Then once again we will be there to foil him’.

‘Indeed we will Solar Sally. Indeed we will. Come now, you must go. The evening wanes’.

‘Thanks Environment,’ Solar Sally said before running off down the block.

Helen smiled as she watched her go. She returned to her perch on the rooftop of her building. Her cape billowed behind her as she looked over her city. Evil lurked there in its smoggy seedy depths but so long as she still drew breath there would be there to fight it. The wind spoke to her again. It seemed to say, ‘get the fuck off my roof!’


Cillian Fearon Author