Since the start of the pandemic, Gerry has maintained that under no circumstances will he allow himself to be poisoned by the COVID-19 vaccine.

Gerry, a graduate of the Facebook and WhatsApp School of immunology, demonstrated fears over the claims that vaccines cause autism, citing a message on WhatsApp which was “forwarded many times” and included alarm emojis and words in Bold. “That’s how you know it’s legit”, he confided.


However, he was disappointed to find that everyone supports this decision. Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly has commented that “the government supports people like Gerry in their choice, since there simply aren’t enough doses for people of his ilk”.

When we reached out to Gerry for comment, he had this to say: “Hang on. Wait. What?”. Gerry has been living in a state of perplexity since learning that absolutely nobody is lining up to give him the jab. As a matter of fact, Gerry has been showered in praise for his sacrifice, as the rest of the country waits with bated breath to get the elusive substance into their arms.

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In an exclusive interview with the Turbine, he expressed openness to persuasion, stating: “Hey, I’m no expert, I’d be totally open to being convinced to take the vaccine”.

Nobody tried.

Everybody seems to agree that Gerry, 37, should not be forced to receive the vaccine before they do.

The Badger – Positive in Spirit, Antibody Negative