Last week, UCD Agricultural Science students rose against the so-called ‘Jackeen rule’ of the UCD Belfield campus and the wider country, and declared the Ag Science building a sovereign and independent nation.
The rebellion lasted all of ten minutes because, despite its central location on campus, literally nobody else ever steps foot in that building. In fact, despite the reading of a new proclamation and the raising of a flag above the building, it took a full week for anyone to notice anything different.
The discovery was eventually made by a confused first-year Arts student who had wandered in by accident while looking for the science building. “I just saw a lad in a Kerry GAA jersey stopping people at the door and asking them to identify different types of cows,” they reported. “Next thing I know, I’m being told I need a visa.” The student was promptly escorted out after referring to a heifer as a bull.
Political leadership within the new nation has fallen naturally to a coalition of lads described as “free enough at the minute,” widely understood to mean a group of least favourite sons who won’t be inheriting anything substantial. This has created some confusion among students, given the implication that some Ag Science students are loved by their parents. This has led to some questioning of what the point of an Ag Science degree is if not to ship your unlovable child off to Dublin for 4 years to get rid of them temporarily?
Daily life in the microstate remains centred around the downstairs common room, which has quickly become the political, social, and economic hub of the nation. Previously, this spot was used as a hub to crack important debates, such as who has more road frontage or can drink the most milk. Now… well… it does exactly the same thing.
The microstate’s secession has prompted a response from the Irish government. Minister for Defence, Helen McEntee, has promised military intervention as soon as they suit up the Irish Defence Forces and replace their Nerf guns with real ones. As a temporary action, checkpoints are being set up on Harcourt Street in an attempt to spot secessionists sneaking into Coppers.
Yash Murph – Milk Chugger