Last month, it was announced that UCD once again claimed the crown for the most expensive on-campus accommodation in Ireland, with an en-suite at Village 3 costing €11,888 for the year. Turbine investigators have found that for the same price of a shoebox with no oven and mould that dates back to the Celtic Tiger, students could instead be renting the entire county of Leitrim.
A new Daft.ie listing titled “Spacious Rural Rental, Entire County, Slightly Leitrimy” has revealed just how much more bang for your buck Leitrim offers when compared to UCD’s finest dorms.
Space
Leitrim: Enjoy 1,589 km² of lush green bogland, forests, lakes, and fields that you can technically call your “bedroom.” But remember, even the land-hungry Cromwell bloke would have rathered hell to this space.
UCD Village 3: Approximately 12 m², half of which is taken up by your cellmate roommate Garry’s dirty laundry.
Roommates
Leitrim: A few friendly squatters, some sheep, and, unfortunately, actual people from Leitrim.
UCD Village 3: A rotating cast including: Garry, who thinks showering is a scam from ‘big water’, a rich American who “didn’t realise Europe would be this poor,” And Deco from Stillorgan, who somehow convinced his parents to pay for accommodation so he could get the ride, which he has so far failed to achieve.
Parking
Leitrim: Unlimited free parking across the entire county. Tractor-friendly. No clamping. Within a scenic, brisk, 2-day walk from campus.
UCD Village 3: You can pay for a parking pass that comes with the privilege of circling the car park for three hours only to accidentally park in the visitor car park and get clamped. Following 4 hours on hold with a certain car parking organisation, you will still be towed because they didn’t like your attitude?? You then have to get the bus to three facilities across Dublin and beg a guy called Steve, who cares much too deeply about his job, considering he’s being paid €13.50 an hour, to let you have your car back. Not that I have personal experience with this……
Amenities
Leitrim: x1 Zipit, x1 folk museum, x1 traffic light, several fields, and access to nature’s original Wi-Fi – birdsong. Broadband not included.
UCD Village 3: Access to a laundry room that swallows your socks, and a shared kitchen where Gary broke the fridge during Freshers.
Within a two-minute walk from your lecture, and you’ll still be late.
Renting Leitrim is not only a better financial decision, but you also avoid the trauma of having your accommodation go into lockdown because some students get notions and try to celebrate Christmas.
By Yash Murph, Turbine Editor