Fine Gael launch new plan for economic recovery at Ard Fheis
The Fine Gael party, lead by Taoiseach Enda Kenny, have launched a brave new plan for Irelands economic recovery. The plan, launched at this weeks Ard Fheis, consists of a large scale import of Protestants into Ireland. It was pointed out by Mr Kenny in his address to the party, that within the European Union, [...]
No cutbacks, no fees… no jobs in UCD?
The last number of weeks have seen growing agitation over the issue of job losses in the SU copy-print centre. This culminated in a march on SU headquarters with a rather puzzled looking SU president being forced from his office, where he had, no doubt, been doing lines. The left were revolting. Indeed some might [...]
Student Confederacy of Ireland declare their secession from the Union!
A splinter group within the Union of Students in Ireland has made the bold step of seceding from the Union, forming, what they have termed the Students Confederacy of Ireland. The move comes as the Union plans to march on government buildings demonstrating their opposition to an increase in registration charges and the possible reintroduction [...]
Turbine acquire a football team
In an effort to broaden our horizons, we at the Turbine have recently acquired a German ladies football team. We appeal to all our devoted and loyal readers to show their enthusiastic support for FFC Turbine Potsdam as they represent our production on the playing field. The beautiful game has never been more beautiful than [...]
For a better Ireland
Senator David Norris is edging closer to the Áras, despite fears that his bid to get on the ballot paper would be defenestrated. While former IRA member Martin McGuiness faces down criticism from Justice Minister Alan Shatter who believes it would be inappropriate for him to head the Irish Armed Forces. In the face [...]
For a better Ireland
Senator David Norris is edging closer to the Áras, despite fears that his bid to get on the ballot paper would be defenestrated. While former IRA member Martin McGuiness faces down criticism from Justice Minister Alan Shatter who believes it would be inappropriate for him to head the Irish Armed Forces. In the face [...]
SU Apply for a Mastercard
The Turbine can exclusively reveal that the bankrupt UCD Students’ Union has applied for several credit cards. The Turbine obtained the information by hacking into the voicemails of UCDSU President Patrick Browne and 2012 SU Presidential candidate, current Campaigns and Communications Officer Brendan “I knock over tables in Krystle” Lacey. The SU revealed to their official newspaper, the [...]
The Turbine – It’s Satire STUPID! (Part 2)
Controversy Surrounds UCD Ball acts. ‘Negligence’ is the word being chanted by thousands of students as they take to the campus of Ireland’s largest University, in protest that Macy Gray is the only headline act announced for this year’s much talked about UCD Ball. The died out singer, once famous for her husky voice, spoke [...]
The Turbine – It’s Satire STUPID!
Tomorrow Never DiesLast night Rupert Murdoch sensationally bought The University Observer in the hope of turning it into Ireland’s leading media centre. His company News Corporation bought all shares and assets owned by the paper, changing the initial €50,000 funding to just over €730 million. In a brief statement, Murdoch claimed, “I don’t want to [...]
